Locally recognized poet and upcoming human activist. Plus I'm getting a degree in Computer Thingies. "The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals." Without further ado, welcome to my corner of the internet.
Dat high doe.
Life, it turns out, is infinitely more clever and adaptable than anyone had ever supposed.
(cont) telling me that i should feel that way. i’ve never felt uncomfortable around men until the radfems came along and told me that i should be, and i hate it. i wish i could go back to the way i was before i joined tumblr.
As a fellow woman, I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s this ridiculous amount of fear-based hate that has little to no basis in reality. These social-media based ideological ‘platform campaigns’ (in that they use a social media tool to reach millions of people at once), such as #YesAllWomen, serve no function other than to create hysteria in the female community, over things that generally blown way out of proportion.
So in short, yes. You’re right. It’s simple fear-mongering, and it’s creating a generation of girls who have been placed in the role of the victim, by default, by those who claim to be empowering them.
While I respect the opinions expressed here, I feel the need to explain how #yesallwomen is empowering to me and other women, and how feminism has personally helped me.
I don’t agree that #yesallwomen is somehow fear-mongering. I just don’t see it. I see it as women sharing their experiences of how sexism affects their daily life and why feminism is still needed even in first world countries like the US. It’s really comforting for me to see other women experience similar things, if not the EXACT same scenarios, that I have gone through, but put into succinct words. I have always felt that the world treated women a little less (or a lot less, depending on where you’re from) than men. It’s comforting for me because it helps me realize that I am NOT alone in feeling this way, and that my fears are not misplaced or unjustified.
I have experienced many of the typical scenarios that have been shared #yesallwomen but here’s my most recent experience:
I was at a con recently and as it is typical after cons, I got a few friend requests on FB. My rule of thumb when it comes to FB friends, however, is that I HAVE TO have met the person in real life at least ONCE before I add them. I previously had an unfortunate FB stalker event so this is how I protect myself now.
A week after this con, I got a message from some guy I’ve never met. He said hi and said he liked pictures of my dog that I had up on my cover page. I said thanks and I asked him if I’ve met him before. He said no but that we both attended said con, and I told him that I don’t add strangers I’ve never met and to please understand and respect my decision to not add him. He asked me why, was it because I had a stalker before? And I said yes, and wanted to end the conversation there. He said “How do you get stalked online? You just block them!” and then proceeded to tell me how he had real life stalkers. I told him again that I just wasn’t interested in talking to him, and wanted to end the conversation there. He then said “Ok maybe you should take your meds you schizo bitch.”
I’ve told this guy no less than THREE times to stop talking to me. I wasn’t even particularly rude. I didn’t tell him to fuck off, though I wish I had because if he was going to call me a bitch, I should’ve given him a reason to actually call me a bitch. But no, he called me a schizo bitch simply because I didn’t want to talk to him and I didn’t feel like putting up with him. He also dismissed my past traumatic experiences with an online stalker without a care.
I then posted screenshots of the convo on the con forum. I didn’t show his avatar or his name, as my intention was purely to warn others to treat people fairly. I got more than a handful of people who either sided with the guy outright, or said that I could have been “nicer”. Also there were a few who said “well if you didn’t want him to talk to you you should’ve set your security settings higher!”
There was so much victim blaming directed towards me. “Well you should’ve done this or that to prevent this from happening!” and it’s not fair to me. Plus, I don’t OWE anyone niceness. I don’t OWE anyone politeness. If I wanted to be polite, which I was plenty of from the conversation with the guy, I would be. But if I was anything less than warm and welcoming, and didn’t appreciate unwanted attention, I’m a bitch. Thankfully though there were quite a few who sided with me as well.
And this isn’t the first time it has happened and I’m just so fed up with this shit. I’m fed up with men thinking that I owe them gratitude and my life simply because they acknowledged my existence. I don’t OWE anyone ANYTHING, and I want people to stop treating me like I do.
And you know what? If you’ve never felt like you’ve had to fear men for any reasons, good for you. You’re incredibly blessed, but please do not dismiss other women’s experiences as “fear mongering”. Someone shot a bunch of folks because he felt like women owed him their bodies and other men stole women away from him. Stop dismissing and belittling people’s fears and our desire to feel safe.
Why not? Fear has never led to anything but ignorance. Imagine if you felt your fear of black people should be socially validated because you’d had negative encounters with some black people. You’d be rightly called a bigot. But you feel totally entitled and empowered to stereotype men.